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Category (CATS)


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   After dark, all cats are jaguars
   And thou shalt have dominion over all the beasts of the earth...except, of course, for cats
   Anything not nailed down is a cat toy
   Anything not nailed down is a cat toy. Everything else is a scratching post.
   Anything on the ground is a cat toy.  Anything not there yet--will be
   Bastet's Paradox: Every cat is the center of the universe
   Because cats read with their asses! [picture of cat sitting on book]
   C:\pet  C:\pet\cat  C:\pet\cat\ignore\human
   A cat at rest will tend to stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside food
   A cat is always on the wrong side of the door
   A cat is the visible soul of a home
   Cat people are generally not conformists.  How could they be, with a cat running their lives?
   Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function
   Cats are Murphy's way of saying "Nice furniture!"
   Cats are nature's response to orderliness
   Cats are not baby substitutes, babies are cat substitutes
   Cats are roommates.  Dogs are kids.
   Cats are smarter than dogs.  You can't teach eight cats to pull a sled.
   The cats did it
   Cats don't ask.  Cats take.
   Cats don't get into mischief.  Cats are mischief.
   Cat: furry keyboard cover and alarm clock
   Cat--the other white meat
   Cats have simple tastes--the best is satisfactory
   Cats know your every thought.  They don't care, but they know.
   Cats take their half of the bed out of the middle
   Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer
   Dogs come when called.  Cats take a message and get back to you.
   Dogs think they're human.  Cats wouldn't stoop that low.
   Every dog has his day...the nights belong to us cats!
   Feline Sapiens
   'The fog comes in on little cat feet' is a flat lie unless fog is a great deal noisier than I ever expected
   Graduate of the Cat School of Excuses "I meant to do that"
   How they really do it [picture of cat tossing hair from basket]
   I don't mind a cat in its place, but its place is not in the middle of my back at 4AM.
   I don't want to live forever--I just want to outlive my enemies and my cat
   I got rid of the kids--the cat was allergic
   I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
   I want a cat with a snooze button
   I was a cat in my other eight lives
   If cats had longer attention spans, they'd be running the world
   If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat
   If you want the best seat in the house, move the cat
   If you're allergic to cats, stay away from me--and maybe I'll rub against your legs anyway
   Instead of using a loom, we've going to wind all the yarn into balls and adopt an infinite number of kittens
   It's a cat thing--you wouldn't understand
   It's always darkest just before you step on the cat
   IT's HARd to tYpe wHILe holdINf a Cat
   It's really the cat's house--we just pay the mortgage
   I've got a cat in my lap and I can't get up
   Managing programmers is like herding cats
   May the great galactic kitten always purr you to sleep
   Most people with cats know they're being controlled...that's the horror of it
   My cat's been cashing my reality checks again
   My other cat is a Jaguar
   My species domesticated your species [picture of cat's face]
   Never ask a hungry cat if it loves you for yourself alone
   "Never bite the hand that feeds you" does *not* apply to cats
   Never try to outstubborn a cat
   No costume is complete without cat hair
   None of your 87 cats put the seat down either
   One cat leads to another
   PURR if you love cats
   Purranoia: the fear your cats are up to something
   Purring--the sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness
   Sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak sneak POUNCE!
   Stealth stealth stealth stealth stealth stealth stealth stealth WHAP!!
   There are many intelligent species in the universe.  They all own cats.
   There are many intelligent species in the universe.  They are all owned by cats.
   There are more ways of killing a cat than buttering it with parsnips
   Thousands of years ago, the Egyptians worshipped cats.  Cats have never forgotten this.
   To a cat, "NO!" means "not while I'm looking"
   What do macrobiotic cats eat?  Brown mice
   What part of MEOW didn't you understand?
   Whatever you're doing, it's not as important as petting the cat
   When I wash the cat, it takes me hours to get the hair off my tongue
   When you walk into the kitchen, your cat is hungry
   Why is the door always on the wrong side of the cat?
   Cat: a narcissistic personality in a fur suit
   I have a contract with my cat.  I feed the cat, and the cat, um, lets me.
   Reality is a hairball in the catnap of life
   You don't need to have a cat to be a writer.  You can bat your own pencils around.
   Because cats read with their rear ends!
   Dogs have owners.  Cats have staff.
   Cats are poetry in motion.  Dogs are gibberish in high gear.
   Scritch scritch scritch scritch scritch scritch scritch scritch PPRRRRRRR!
   Kittens: self-propelled dewy-eyed barbed wire in a mohair sweater   
   Cat Herder   
   When cats feel nauseous they think, "I hope I can make it to the couch"  
   No, I don't want to hear about your cat   
   Supervised by a cat   
   Cat Slave   
   Sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, wiggle rear end, sneak, sneak, sneak, pounce   
   Cats let you think you own them, but your cat is actually rented from the vet
   Sneak, sneak, trip over feet, wash face, sneak, sneak  
   Cats are taoists. They know the way and are always in it.  
   Don't give the GM any ideas
   My name is "No! No! Bad Kitty!". What's yours?
   Books. Cats. Life is good.
   If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will?
   We should have known better than to keep upgrading the cat
   If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.  --Mark Twain  
   A purr is a snore made beautiful
   The cats' monkey servant
   Cat hair is the new black
   You can tell I'm a cat owner just by looking at me. Don't worry, the bleeding will stop soon.
   I MAYD U 2 BUTTENS BUT I EATED ONE
   I'M N YUR PLEROMA, IMMANENTIZING YUR ESKATON
   Why wait to become a cat lady?
   In my next life, I want to come back as my cat
   Cats are VERY lucky they're so cute
   WhatEVER you do, don't kill off the cat/dog/hamster
   I PURRRRL! [cat's face above crossed knitting needles]
   No project is complete without cat hair
   No quilt is complete without cat hair
   Contrary to science, animals can drive all their weight down through each of their legs simultaneously
   Catgirls-- fake ears, real attitude
   Owning cats is life in the Bast lane
   We had to retire the Catgirl Legion after than guy stormed our citadel armed only with a laser pointer.
   When's the next cat bus?
   Rescued is my favorite breed
   Nobody treats the cat right!

Stickers

   A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture
   The Cat Philosophy of Life: If you can't Eat it or Shred it, then Sleep on it.
   My cat dislikes the term "pet." It prefers "friend and confidante."  
   Cats don't want to own people. They prefer to lease with an option.
   Cats keep their claws sharp because they know that just a purr may not be enough
   Anything not nailed down is a cat toy!
   A chill in the air, a cat on the lap, a mug of chocolate, and a good book. Ah, Paradise!  
   Mankind is the result of millions of years of evolution designed to produce a better Cat Servant
   Cats humor us because they know that their ancestors ate ours.
   Dogs think men are gods. Cats are not so easily deluded.
   Some days, the most interesting thing on the TV is a sleeping cat!
   A chill in the air, a cat on the lap, a mug of java and a good book. Ah paradise!
   In space, your cat can't hear you open the can
   Getting a free kitten proves that you don't need money to get love
   To a Cat, People are just Furniture that does Tricks
   To a dog, you're one of the family. To a cat, you're one of the help.
   Cats make great pets -- out of their owners
   Reality is the Hairball in the Catnap of Life
   There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life - music and cats. -- Albert Schweitzer
   If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'LL PUT SHOES ON THE CAT!
   Entropy was just a concept, until I got a cat!
   The four Cat food groups: Dry, Canned, Natural, Yours.

ADVICE
ANARCHY
ANGST
ANIME
ANTI-BUSH
THE ARTS
ATTITUDE, ARROGANCE, BOASTING
BABIES AND OTHER RELATIVES
BACKRUBS AND HUGS
BITCHINESS AND PMS
BOOKS
BUREAUCRACY
CAFFEINE
CATS
CHOCOLATE
COME ONS, TURNDOWNS, SEX, GENDER
COMPUTERS: General
COMPUTERS: Angst
COMPUTERS: Bugs
COMPUTERS: Dealing with Users
COMPUTERS: Jobs
COMPUTERS: Personal Computers (DOS, MAC, etc.)
COMPUTERS: Programming
COMPUTERS: Puns
COMPUTERS: Specific Languages (C, COBOL, OTHERS)
COMPUTERS: Unix and Related OS's
COMPUTERS: Email, social media, the web, and usenet
CROSSOVER
CTHULHU
CYNICISM
DISCORDIANISM
DOGS
DRINKING AND DRUGS
DRIVING
ELECTION 2004
FAERIE
FANDOM
FIBER ARTS
FIRST AMENDMENT
FANTASY
FANTASY ROLE-PLAYING
FOOD
IDEALISM
INSANITY
KINKY
LANGUAGE
LATENESS
L337 and LOLCAT
LEFT-HANDEDNESS AND DYSLEXIA
LIBRARIES
MAGIC: THE GATHERING
MATHEMATICS
MEDIA
MEDICAL
MEDIEVALISM
MILITARY AND WAR
MONEY
MOOD AND TEMPERAMENT
MORNINGS, SLEEP DEPRIVATION
MURPHY'S LAWS
MUSIC
9/11
NINJA
NUMBER OF THE BEAST
OBSCURE
PAGANISM
PARADOXES AND LOGIC
PIRATES
POLITICS
PUNS
PURPLE
REALITY
RELIGION
RIDDLES
SCHOOL
SCIENCE
SECOND AMENDMENT
SCIENCE FICTION
SICK HUMOR
SILLINESS
SMOKING AND NON-SMOKING
SONG PARODIES
SPACE
STRESS
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISM
UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
VAMPIRES
VIOLENCE
VERY SECRET DIARIES
WEAPONS
WEIRDNESS
WORK
WRITING
ZOMBIES
MISCELLANEOUS

 

 

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Or contact Joshua Kronengold, who did most of the [perl] CGI and HTML work on the site if you want to discuss similar work [He's not at all cheap, but is good and fast].